One week left? I swear that is not right! I go through stages of being excited to come home and stages where I wish I could just stay here with these people forever. I cannot wait to see my beautiful family (well the ones that are in Utah- the others I will see soon). School will be fun to get back into and I have a ton of fun plans for the summer!
I am having a great day where I can just sit here, read my journal, and reflect on this experience. I came here, more like I started the year, with a theme in mind. It is an amazing poem that my mom showed me probably in 8th or 9th grade. It is called “Comes the Dawn” and if you know me you have probably heard me quote it.
“After a while you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and changing a soul, and you learn that love doesn’t mean leaning and company isn’t security (kisses aren’t contracts and presents aren’t promises). After a while you begin to accept your defeats with your head up and your eyes open, with the grace of a woman, not the grief of a child. And you learn to build your roads on today because tomorrows ground is too uncertain and the inevitable has a way of crumbling in mid-flight. After a while you learn that even sunshine burns if you stand too long in one place. So, you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul instead of waiting for someone else . You endure, and see that you really do have worth. You learn that with every good-bye comes the dawn”
One of the first things that I noticed about the people here (in Jerusalem) was their dedication to their religion. I saw the ultra orthodox Jews and the Muslims fully living their religion. It taught me a lot about how I should rank religion in my own life.
January 9, 2010
“The sacrament prayer was just said. It hit me so hard this time, looking out at the very city where Christ was bruised and broken, looking at the very garden where he bled and suffered for our sins. I don’t think I have ever felt so close to my Savior as I do right now.
“Real love does not support self destructive behavior” Love is the first law. I have learned so much about what real love is and how everyone deserves REAL love.
January 28,2010
“I don’t think I needed to be on Sinai to know that Moses was a prophet, or go to the Garden of Gethsemane to know that Christ gave his life for me. The confirmations I get for those are when I am alone, still, reading my scriptures, or writing in my journal. I don’t know why I am here or the reason I came. Honestly it is because my parents told me to - but as the weeks go on I realize why I HAD to be here I NEED this experience whether I wanted it or not. I am so grateful to my parents for this!”
"Even when things are dark we need to realize that God won’t let anything happen to us that isn’t for our own good”
Music has been a huge testimony builder here. The words in the hymns really have hit my heart and made this gospel a more tangible thing for me.
I have learned so much about the power of the priesthood and the atonement. I am truly amazed that Christ would suffer, bleed and die for each one of us. He struggled and asked his Father to “remove this cup”. Christ knows what it is like waiting for pain to pass. He knew the Father’s will and continued to endure the suffering. We are all able to take advantage of the Atonement. The Lord loves us so much. We are his children and the Savior is our Brother. We are family, they love us and we should return the love. They provided a way for us to be happy and to return to our Father in Heaven. I am so grateful for worthy priesthood holders. The guys here on this study abroad and such amazing men. They all love their Savior and put him first. They are caring and protective of us girls, which I am so grateful for.
February 24, 2010
I will admit I didn’t know what to expect, coming here to Jerusalem. I didn’t know why I came, but day by day I find reasons. I have learned how strong I can be, I am being immersed in the gospel and feel the spirit every day! I have been able to meet people who truly blow me away. I see qualities in them that I want to acquire.
President Okiishi opened my eyes to how eternal our lives are and how this world is just one small dot on the line of eternity. He opened my eyes to how involved in my life the Lord is. My eyes were opened to my divine worth and what my potential is. I was able to feel the Lords love. I have been humbled to a sobbing mess and have never felt so much light in my life. I have never felt so much love in my life. Who knows where my life will go when I get back but I know that if I keep the commandments the Lord will guide my life. I know that there will be pain and tears but the Lord won’t put me through anything that I can’t get through. I am looking into the future with bright eyes and with the knowledge that the Lord is on my side. I testify that this is the one true gospel and if we trust in the Lord he will lead us to where and what we should do.
I have been able to learn that we are not perfect. And we are not expected to be perfect. God knows that that is a silly request to make. But we MUST try. We must give our all every day to do the BEST WE CAN. Because the best we can do is accepted by the Lord. As long as you are striving for something you are slowly getting there, and that comforts me.
March 15, 2010 (Galilee)
We went to the beach and were standing ankle deep in the water singing hymns. The waves were getting big and the wind was raging. It was very powerful. I was imagining Christ out there on his boat saying “peace be still”. The words from the song “Come Thou Fount Of Every Blessing” really hit me --“here’s my heart oh take and seal it, seal it for thy courts above.”
You don’t have to be where Christ walked to be where is IS.
Not only walk where He walked but walk as he walked
March 26, 2010
I find it amazing how everything about this gospel teaches us TODAY. We learn from these people’s lives. What were they learning from? Why did they come in those dispensations? Why am I here now? What can I do so others can learn from me? God knew what we needed in this life. He knew what we would learn from. He knew what to put these people through for us to learn from them. It is so easy for us to see the hand of God in their lives. Why is it so hard for us to see it in our lives?
If the Lord asks us to do something…that is reason enough to do it.
“Come to the edge…No I will fall!
Come to the edge…No I will fall!
Come to the edge…so I came to the edge
He pushed me and I FLEW”
March 27,2010
Christ is exactly who he said he was. He came, he taught, he performed miracles, he suffered for us, he was killed, and rose again. He lives and he is my Savior. I love Him and love the opportunity to become closer to Him.
April 1, 2010
“ We just reenacted the nativity. During our program we sang beautiful hymns. This is where Christ took his first breath of life. This is where his young mother Mary gave birth to our savior. I believe that his birth was a very humble and loving one. I believe it was quiet, without spectators. I can’t imagine the joy of Mary and Joseph as they looked into the face of their Redeemer.
April 3, 2010
Thinking back on who I was and who I now am, I am blown away. I know that Christ has slowly been changing me. Day by day I have been shaped by my Savior, taking a little off here, adding a little more there. I am so grateful! I know my Savior lives, and I cannot deny it. This experience has been a little piece of Heaven. My Savior was born in Bethlehem, preached and lived in Galilee, he healed in Capernaum and Jerusalem. He fed the 5,000, He is the bread of life and the living water. It is only through him that we can return to our Father in Heaven.
This has been the most amazing experience thus far in life to be able to live in the Holy Land for 4 months and study my Savior's life and learn about His sacrifice for me. I am so grateful for this opportunity and it will shape my life forever.
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